but well this monkey isn't all doom and gloom, there are a few places in england that are pretty sweet. brighton is one of those places i really dig. i don't get to go as often as i like but when i do boy do i have a blast.
first off i wanna say the pier is excellent, yeh it's chavvy but who cares, kids are all about irony these days anyway. like wearing a tshirt that says you're a dickhead means yeh you are cool and not a dickhead because cool people are never dickheads, only it does say you're a dickhead and dickheads aren't cool and it is a bright pink t-shirt and your face does look a bit dickish and so maybe you are a dickhead i don't know who knows....ah fuck it you are probably a dick head. anyway....breath, the pier is cool cause it has video games that are impossible and you always either die on level two on the shooting ones, or run out of time before the first checkpoint on the racing ones. and they cost you a pound a go which is awesome cause after 40 goes you coulda just bought the damn game for your xbox, but you are having fun so who cares...see irony? i don't even know what irony is.
also at the pier they have those toy grabber things which are also awesome cause you never win the toy! that's right, the grabber arms are so weak it's as if they belong to starving african children. children who are so malnourished and weak due to fucked up political corruption and civil war they can't even lift a very light stuffed hello kitty doll....which is a moody hello kitty doll and considerably lighter than a real hello kitty doll (not many people know that real hello kitty dolls contain the ground and crushed bones of 500 real tabby cats.....that's 500 cats per doll people! feel the quality!) anyway you end up pumping £30 in 20 pence pieces into the machine in the attempt to win this thing for whatever reason and always walk away feeling jipped....but at least you wasted an hour and didn't think too hard about how crap your life is so ya know it wasn't a complete waste of time..... just one piece of advice, don't look too hard at the toys either before, or after trying to win them. you will realise they are badly sewn together pieces of crap made by poor people in china who are payed 2 pence a day to make thousands of them. you'll figure out fast you really don't want one and walk away and then have time to think about how crap your life is. it's better to not think too hard and just keep pumping your money into the machine.
as well as the pier brighton has some other cool things, there's Lick...which isn't a brothel (for M.M.M's brothel guide see my other blog..though it's just a guide to toy brothels for stuffed toys) lick is a frozen yogurt place. they serve frozen yogurt in little pots and you can have different toppings on it. like bananas or chocolate or big mac sauce. basically it's tasty and good. and that's all
brighton also has lots of cool shops, which i am usually too drunk to go in. and it is the home to nick cave who is basically a bad ass musician and singer, though he actually lives in hove with all the old people....go figure.
brighton is also home to one of the biggest bird genocides this side of the world. some seagull hitman dropped a cigarette in a nest on the old pier and killed hundreds of starlings....the pier went up like a freaking tinder box! it was awesome, you can google pictures of it and shit.
anyways, i'm bored now..visit brighton, or not, who cares
M.M.M
p.s
my glasses are wonky in the picture cause i got bitch slapped in the face by a seagull just as the photo was taken. i'd been pissing them off all day by throwing chips at them, so i kinds deserved it
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