theatre of (donut) dreams

well, what a day dear readers!

all the trouble with the FBI etc was washed away in toy court yesterday. basically they were claiming i'd been running drugs across the mexican border into the USA. they got it all wrong and to be honest i DID think i was running drugs across the border. buuuut well tic tacs aren't drugs. what? i thought tic tacs were narcotics and was shoving them up my ass and taking them into the U.S. turns out tic tacs are just a low calorie mint. needless to say i was super pissed that i had wasted a lot of time and energy smuggling this shit when it isn't even illegal. I wasn't quite as pissed as the D.E.A who'd spent millions of tax dollars trying catch me only for it to all be a waste of time.
anyway in the end i am just happy i am not going to toy jail, enough stuff has been up my ass and i don't want to get raped by a toy lion or even worse toy elephant.

i decided to celebrate by getting some donuts. i stopped off in birmingham on the way home and went to the krispy kreme's donut theatre. basically the donut theatre is a place of great beauty and wonder. it's not one of those gay theatres where people prance around pretending to sing and act and shit. it's an awesome theatre where a conveyor belt of donuts move along and are cooked then glazed, then packed into boxes right infront of your eyes! not only that but you can then buy/steal the donuts that have just been freshly made.
i opted for a blueberry stuffed donut and got blue shit in my eye. it was red hot and stained my face and i am thinking of taking them to court. plus it made me look like i was wearing makeup like a frickin extra from braveheart or whatever. gay.

ok, just happy i am not going to jail and or getting raped

laters

M.M.M

living in a bag

times are tough, i'm writing this from a roadside service station, i can't name which one it is cause some government types are onto me......i'll just say it has all three (father, son and holy ghost. for an explanation of this see my earlier post, or haven't you been paying attention!?)

anyway, living in a bag isn't actually so bad. it smells great, i have all the grease i can bath in and i get to wake up and eat burgers for breakfast. they also have gambling machines, which is needless to say fucking awesome.
i can commit lots of crime here cause people are just coming and going all day and don't notice me stealing their wallets as they leave..once they do notice they are halfway down the motorway and i am going the other way down the motorway to the next services. BOOSH!

ok, later chumps

M.M.M

customer feedback

as part of my ongoing business drive for Morris Milton Morrison industries (M.M.M industries) i am really interested to hear what you have to say about things and stuff. *
so feel free to write to me and comment on my posts.

thanks

Morris Milton Morrison CEO of M.M.M industries**



* i could not give one less crappola what you douches in internet land have to say about me or my opinions on anything....i'm and 8 inch high stuffed toy who takes drugs and drinks too much....hell i'm drunk right now.......i'm stuffed with natural fibers and my butt is full of bean bag beads. i have better things to do than think about what i am actually saying...never mind think about what you are saying back to what i am saying.........that said if you wanna give me money that's cool....i need more money cause i got thrown out my house and wrote off my ferrari in the snow the other day and my big mac addiction is through the freaking roof. no really things aren't great.

** morris milton morrison industries is currently in liquidation and Mr. Morris himself is currently being replaced as CEO and under investigation by the FBI, CIA, MI5 and MI6 is there an MI7? there probably is and they are probably looking into what he has been doing.

bowling the sport of the gods

man, i love bowling. there are few sports in the world that encourage you to be both drunk and full of food while playing. think of any freaking bowling alley...anywhere in the world...now think what's in it....big freaking balls obviously and lanes to throw them down but more importantly you'll be thinking of all the fast food outlets that are present... no one really goes to bowl. that's just an aside, that's just a distraction from eating vast quantities of fast food.

unbranded fast food no less! this shit is so bad for you they don't want you to know who really makes it, cause they know that you will soon fall over and have a sudden and massive coronary and die and your family will be all upset and wanting revenge! they want deniability. ''he coulda bought that burger anywhere!''

but anyway, it doesn't really matter about the heart attacks, hell you're getting exercise! quit moaning, you have an excuse to eat as much as you want. it's ok to eat 14 horse burgers and turkey twizlers and wash it down with warm beer while chewing onion rings because: YOU ARE GOING TO WALK 6 FEET CARRYING SOMETHING THEN THROW IT... see exercise.

that's another thing chumps, always use the heaviest ball. even though it adds no real value to your game, in fact it detracts from your ability to actually hit a single fucking pin. and one more thing, always, ALWAYS claim every strike was on purpose. even if the ball bounces 10 feet and goes onto an adjacent lane and makes a strike! it was on freaking purpose.

i don't really know why i started this post....i guess i just wanted to say i am a sporty guy. i like other sports too, there is a common link among them, i can be drunk and full of food/on drugs while playing/doing them. they are in no particular order: mini golf, pool, darts and paragliding.

....the last one is a little difficult but i did it and only killed a few pedestrians

ok bye!

M.M.M

late movember madness

trying out a mustache......heard about movember and yeh i know it's febuary but it is cold and my upper lip is going blue. i thought i would try the french look..........i'm not hundred percent convinced as to how it looks but one plus is that it absorbs burger sauce for later when i am hungry in bed around 1 a.m

i know you may think i grew it fast, but i'm a monkey! i'm hairy...no it isn't a flipping piece of fluff from an old sock stuck on my lip!

screw you guyz!

M.M.M out

p.s

this tache ain't for charity but if you wanna give me money go ahead it's your funeral friends

why gambling is amazing

so yeh, gambling. along with burgers and video games it is another vice of mine. i say vice, but i don't see the freaking problem. yeh i guess i have lost money over the years, and i always hear horror stories on jeremy kyle about how it broke up a family and the kid went without this or that cause the parents were buying scratchcards or some shizzit.

but well, get over it losers! gambling rocks! it's the thrill! the spill the, the ya know! just the chance of it! sometimes i am up, sometimes i am down. but well, i can always cheat at poker and take mega bucks of uncle tony's mafia friends. and anyway yeh i know, what if you get in over your head morris? well there was a time when i was a little freaked out cause i owed money to some pretty heavy russian hamster mafia types. they showed up to my house (crib) and had bats and pinned me down and shit. all like getting crazy and stuff wanting there dolla back (or was it rubles??)....and yeh they totally broke my legs and shit and called the debt payed. so now you are all thinking, morris that is awful i never want my legs broke man! and well, neither did yours truly but well it wasn't a problem....not a problem i hear you say? how is having your legs broken not a problem??? cause i am a freaking STUFFED TOY! i don't even have bones! i just taped some lolly pop sticks to the back of my legs to give em an authentic snap noise. sure fooled those mafia er.....fools

so long story short, gambling isn't for losers and morons and down and outs! gambling is awesome! and yeh, it's a bit selfish to piss all your cash away on scratchcards but i got more class than that......i bet on the dogs and the GG's. with the dogs i always bet on the toy rabbit (he's a friend of mine, ralph is his name, man he puts those dogs to shame)

anyway, flip it, ya only live once, yeh the house always wins, but i live in a house and yeh it's getting taken off me by the bank cause i mortgaged it 14 times to pay for my debts but i am still a high roller yo....

M.M.M

how to win at scrabble

well my first piece of advice would be don't play. that way you can never lose, also this game has ruined friendships, split up loving couples and is on the brink of pushing the planet into thermo nuclear war...er yuh. if you HAVE to play you can easily win by cheating! yeh, just make up words, shakespeare did it all the time! and all the booky types like my cat friend bernard think he is awesome. if you cant make up words you can just distract people and steal their letters, or play on an un-even surface and knock the board towards the end of a game, no one will remember where all the pieces where and no one will have the will to start over...no one is that much of a sado-masochist!

anyway my advice would be don't play at all...it's a game based around words.....words are gay...

i would say just stay in until september cause that is when GTA 5 is out and everyone knows i am not going to really be living until i am living a life of crime on my xbox 360. sure real life is ok..but well, people always get super offended when my uncle tony and me kill barbie hookers after screwing them....i dunno! i say get with capitalism guys! the best transaction is one where you get the goods and services..use them for all they are worth and then get your damn money back even if you were happy with the service...anyway i can kill all the hookers on gta i want and not get in any real shit for it.......

cough......

M.M.M